I'm so over you, Norv

When you can't coach multimillionaire football players to dive on loose footballs or finish tackles, you can't coach.

Phil Rivers would be better off duct taping the ball to his receivers' hands. If you can't make a catch 10 yards out, standing still, while facing the quarterback, you can't catch.

I chose one hell of a year to start caring about the Chargers.

Look, I'm just saying

I considered a picture of a dude choking, but if you go to Google image search and query "Nate Kaeding," this comes up, so somebody already thought of it:

Go Chargers.

Football is stuck in the 20th century

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As I watch the Chargers flail helplessly against the Rams, a week after watching them flail helplessly against the Raiders, I am reminded that the brightest minds seldom choose football. Norv Turner makes error after error, the coordinators struggle with obvious play selection, and the players seem intent on losing.

The first two problems should be easy to fix.

I've been thinking about what I'd change if I were an NFL coach with complete control over roster construction and play calling. Here's what I've come up with, with my reasoning in italics:

Roster construction:

• Focus exclusively on pass rush. This means looking for superb cornerbacks and pass rushing linebackers while essentially ignoring run defense. Truly good backs make mincemeat of even brilliant run defense. There are very few good backs. Defend the modern NFL, defend the pass.
  
• Concentrate on acquiring good tight ends and a good low-volume running back corps. They'll average one carry per set of downs and really only need to avoid fumbling while picking up between 2-3 yards per carry. In simple terms, any mediocre college back. Once you see my offensive strategy, you'll understand. Again, there are few elite backs. Save the roster space for more important positions.
  
• Offensive lineman are more important than the quarterback. You can have Ryan Leaf at quarterback if you're running a good o-line and multiple tight end sets. Seriously. Every time a quarterback gets sacked, he's less likely to give himself enough time to complete the pass on the next series. Bad quarterbacks look great with a great offensive line. In the Chargers' case, great quarterbacks look bad with a bad offensive line.
• Get the best kicker available. You're going to need a lot of points from 50+ yards, and if I can kick a 35 yard field goal in the dark with an injured ankle, a professional football player should be able to kick 60 yard field goals all day, especially indoors.
  

Offense:

• Run on first down. Run on first down when the other team expects it. Run on first down when there's nobody in the backfield to defend the pass. Run on first down when your best back is in a wheelchair on the field. The Chargers depend on first down passing, and when they suffer an incomplete pass, they try to run the ball on second down with no success. Every third down is a third and long for Phil Rivers.
  
• Any time you don't feel confident, throw a screen to a tight end. It works so frequently in short yardage situations that it's amazing anyone tries anything else.
• Almost never punt. The only acceptable punts occur when the kicking team is inside its own 30 yard line. In other words, if the opposing team is out of field goal range, you shouldn't be punting. 2.5 yards per possession should be (and is) an achievable goal as compared to 3.3 yards per possession.

Defense:

• Defend the pass well enough that the other team is forced to rely on the run. This might require giving up some points, but there are few running corps in the league that can consistently put up 300 yards a game.
• Demolish the quarterback. Every play needs to apply pressure to the QB. The modern NFL leans heavily on quarterbacks. Make your defense eliminate them. This means you should be picking up a roughing the passer penalty every game. Make it count.

Special teams:

Frankly, every team in the NFL would be better by taking a new approach to special teams. I understand there are problems with the solutions I've outlined above, but these changes should be universally understood.

• Every kickoff should be a touchback. I've always wondered why teams don't do this, and assumed it must be impossible. Then Stephen Gostkowski had 5 touchbacks in a game and I realized that not only is it possible, but it's brilliant. Every time a team is allowed to return a kick, the chance of a return touchdown or excellent field position exists. The best any kicking team can do with an inbounds kickoff is get the ball downed at the 1 for a -19 yard differential. The best any receiving team can do with an inbounds kickoff is 7 points and a +80 yard differential. This seems like a no-brainer.
• Field goals of 50+ yards should be makeable and commonplace. It is ridiculous that field goals are missed with such frequency. Teams need to start looking outside football for kicking talent.
• When defending a kickoff or punt, don't run to the spot the ball is landing. Run to where the receiver is going. This seems elementary, but every kickoff features at least one player from the kicking team shooting past the receiver and into the backfield. Stay in front of the receiver and force him to make his move while you still have position. If you're going to be able to hit him the second he gets the ball, he's going to fair-catch the thing, and you still have the advantage if he fumbles.
  

Push bunt: Best play in baseball?

These 7PM Eastern start times confuse me. I flipped on the Slingbox just in time for the bottom of the ninth, only to watch Morales neatly bounce into a double play. Kendrick's bunt for a game winning single, moments later, was a pleasant gift before I had to start studying for my last final.

Miscellany:

• I keep talking about how I'm migrating to Chargers fandom, but the Patriots keep pulling me back with things like this. Maybe I'll need to learn how to handle dual-citizenship.
• About half of my goalie equipment went away today, generating sadness and excitement. Once I get a job, I'll need new leg pads, skates, sticks, and a glove

Darren Sproles is too small

Chargers 23, Indianapolis 17 (OT)

I didn't see much of this game, most of it occurring during the NU/UMN game, but I did catch most of the fourth quarter. The Chargers, who epitomized "backing into the playoffs," scored a potential ticket to the AFC championship game with a game much more dominated by offense than the final score indicates.

This was a weird one. At one point, Manning threw for a touchdown on a quick snap while the San Diego secondary was looking at the bench. At another, Darren Sproles managed to fumble the ball a yard before the endzone. And the game's MVP was decidedly Mike Scifres, the San Diego punter who kicked 6 punts for an average of over 52 yards, including a 67 yard punt. None were more important than his fourth quarter kick, a beautiful punt that dropped the Colts back to their own 1 yard line.

The Chargers, able to get the ball back with just under two minutes to play, tied the game on a Nate Kaeding field goal to force overtime.

Overtime in the NFL is mind-bogglingly stupid. Whoever wins the toss tends to win the game, and the Chargers won the toss. Assisted by some horrendous defensive penalties, they managed to ice the game with a 22 yard Sproles touchdown run. The kid is small, but he's got wheels.


Northeastern 2, Minnesota 3 (OT)

Probably the best college hockey game I've seen as far as overall talent, the Huskies managed to lose the game on a couple freak plays to finish second in the Dodge Holiday Classic. NU got goals from Wade MacLeod (his second of the tournament) and Tyler McNeely, but couldn't hold a 2-1 lead in the third.

Trailing 1-0, the Gophers got their first goal on a freak bounce. Aaron Ness shot the puck into the slot where it took the most benficial bounce off a shin pad I've ever seen. The puck deflected directly into the net and the game was tied.

Later, the Gophers tied the game at 2-2 with another weird goal. Ness, again, sorta flung the puck on net from deep in traffic near the blue line. It rose, fell, and dropped into the net, a goal Thiessen likely wants back.

Regardless, the game ended regulation at 2-2 and overtime commenced. Almost immediately, the Gophers seemed to ice the puck, but no call was made. Thiessen came out to play the puck and tried bouncing it along the boards, but instead flicked it into the stands. The refs called a delay of game penalty. The rules state, quite clearly, that a penalty shall be assessed if a player "deliberately" forces the puck out of the rink. Thiessen was not under pressure, clearly did not want to put the Gophers on power play, and obviously did not "deliberately" force the puck over the glass. Nevertheless, the Gophers scored soon into the ensuing power play and that, as they say, was that.

Thiessen had an otherwise brilliant tournament, named to the all-tournament team along with MacLeod and Louis Liotti. He needs to shake this one off. His history in tournaments is far from stellar, but the fact remains that Hockey East points are far more important than wins in holiday tournaments. Of course, there is one tournament that matters...

The Huskies have a home and home series with Merrimack this Friday and Saturday. 3 points should be considered the bare minimum.

Minnesoooooh-ta

Dodge Holiday Classic

#6 Northeastern vs. #4 Minnesota Golden Gophers (8PM EST)

The Huskies picked up a solid 3-1 win over a pesky Western Michigan team in the first round of the Dodge Holiday Classic, setting up an excellent championship game vs. #4 Minnesota. Huskies netminder Brad Thiessen was, again, a sponge between the pipes, stopping 23 of 24 Bronco shots. WMU goalie Riley Gill also had a hell of a game, turning away 37 of the 40 shots he saw.

The NU power play struggled, going 0-6, although Wade MacLeod's goal (the third for NU) came at the end of a Husky power play, so the stats are a little misleading.

More troubling was Minnesota's 6-2 win over Brown. At one point, the Gophers were outshooting Brown 31-2, a stat you're not likely to see very often. Brown rallied to 4-2 from a 4-0 deficit but was unable to maintain momentum after playing from behind through two periods.

Tonight's game is heavily dependent on goaltending. Neither Minnesota nor Northeastern has a single player who is a go-to scoring threat, but both teams have excellent goalies who will likely keep the game a low-scoring affair. If the Huskies score 3, they should be in prime position to take home the trophy.

The game is on FCS-P and FSN-North (tape delay).


AFC Playoffs

San Diego Chargers vs. Indianapolis Colts

With the Patriots off to Pebble Beach for an early tee time, the team least-deserving of their playoff berth, the San Diego Chargers, take on the Colts in San Diego at 5 PST tomorrow. The Chargers have always been my second team, largely a result of their proximity to Los Angeles and my general love for all things San Diego.

The Chargers defeated the Colts earlier this season, before NFL MVP Peyton Manning's knee stopped causing him trouble. The Rivers vs. Manning competition should be interesting, as playoff games are rarely pass-heavy events...that said, neither of these teams currently has a great running game. LaDanian Tomlinson strained his groin last week against the Broncos, so expect Darren "Lawn Gnome" Sproles to get lots of carries.

Predicting this one's tough. Let's go powder blue.

Carbonated Beverages + Computer != Fun

Posting to this blog is obviously going to slow down a little now that the Angels' season is over, but with college hockey, the NFL, the NHL, and soon the NBA, I really don't have a good excuse.

First, a casual note about playing with racquetballs indoors: it's dumb. I tried to swat a ball away from my roommate, hit the open, full Coke on my desk, and knocked it directly onto and into my PC through the conveniently located fan grille on top. The machine instantly hanged, and naturally the vent holes were directly over my PCI slots, dousing my video card, TV tuner card, and motherboard with delicious syrup.

Amazingly, all that really got destroyed was my network port. Everything else works, so I've installed a PCI network card and everything seems to be working fine. While I was cleaning the residue off the board, you could see where the acidic Coke etched away parts of a few traces near a chip. Unbelievable. This is why I can't have nice things.

Anyway, here's some brief recaps before I start looking at some homework.


Northeastern 4, Alaska-Anchorage 2

I'm in a little pool with the guys over at DHD, with my sponsored players being Ryan Ginand and JP Maley. For every game the Huskies win, I donate $5 to the program for each goal one of those players scores, $2 for an assist, and a $5 bonus for the gamewinning goal. Naturally, Ginand had two goals, including the gamewinner, in Northeastern's second and final game in Alaska.

The game had online video, so I got to watch the Huskies in action for the first time. Joe Vitale had a quiet series, which is unusual for him, but Ginand and McCauley had two goals each for the weekend, Thiessen looked solid between the pipes, and the freshmen, Quailer in particular, didn't look lost and seemed to fit into Cronin's system. The first home game is Saturday vs. BC, so I'm both excited and nervous.


Patriots 10, San Diego 30

Look, the Patriots can't win if they don't have an effective pass rush, and they didn't. Phil Rivers had hours in the pocket to go deep to a few different receivers, so the loss here doesn't surprise me. Frankly, one of these two teams needs to make it to the Super Bowl, so I'm not opposed to the Chargers beating the Pats.

Matt Cassel looked like crap, which is generally what happens when the other team knows how to pass rush and your team doesn't. This game, again, not Cassel's fault.


Rays 9, Boston 1

The Rays, America's new favorite team, took a 2-1 series lead by beating Jon Lester. Finally. I don't care what the statistics say. Jon Lester is not a #1 starter, and that he's pitched like one all season just shows how novelty can affect opposing lineups. This is the first year Lester's really had the opportunity to show himself to the whole league, and he introduced a new pitch. His stats will regress next season, and I look forward to it.

Also, I think Lester believes this more than anyone: He's not just a kid who beat cancer anymore. Cancer shouldn't define him. He's past it, it's done, respect the guy for his accomplishments and stop talking about his cancer every time he shows up on TV.

Evan "Wunderkind" Longoria and BJ Upton both had homers in the third, and it just kept piling on from there. I thought the Rays were dumb when they gave a rookie a big, long contract, but clearly they knew what we all now know. Go Rays.


Phillies 7, Dodgers 5

The Dodgers have no chance in this series after losing the first two, but I'm not sure I really care anymore. It's hard to root for a team whose fans threw full beers at me at a Dodgers/Angels game. It's also hard to root for the Phillies, since I hate Philly fans (at least Eagles/Flyers fans), and a small part of me still likes the Mets.

Either way, Cory Wade, who's really been quite good lately, gave up a 2-run dinger to Victorino to tie the game, and it was pretty much all-Phillies from there. The Dodger bullpen is looking like a very soft spot in the neck of the franchise.