Dear Mr. Scioscia,
I know you don't know me very well. My name is Brian Fuentes and I am in your bullpen. I am here to replace Francisco Rodriguez to the best of my ability. I put up stellar numbers in hitter-friendly Colorado for several years with some minor inconsistency, but nothing major. As I am left handed, I am particularly adept at turning major league left handed hitters into outs. I have given up just 10 home runs to lefties compared to 31 for righties, and have a strikeout to walk ratio which is an order of magnitude greater.
I'm not sure if you know this, but Jason Kubel of the Minnesota Twins is a lefty. He had already hit a single, a double, and a triple, and the rest of our bullpen, all right handed, seemed incapable of getting him out. I feel as though I could have made him ground out harmlessly to first, or perhaps pop up in the infield.
I, unlike Francisco Rodriguez, do not need to be babied. I just received a large contract from your owner, Arte Moreno, and I would like to be used in the highest leverage situations possible. I am not interested in gaudy save totals or sparkling pitching stats. All I want is to help this team win games and get to the World Series.
This division is very weak, but the Mariners are already holding a 3.5 game lead. Oakland is an improving team, and Texas is always a threat to make a run. Our farm system is pretty poor, at this point, so we really need to make the playoffs this year as it is probably our last serious year of contention for the forseeable future.
As such, please feel free to call me any time via the bullpen phone. I'd be happy to work for you.